In the last post, we introduced an article from MindBodyDad: “11 Strategies to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Entitled.”
So, what are those strategies? Let’s look at three of them.
First, say no! A tried and true strategy. “Every time kids hear ‘no,’ they’re learning to handle disappointment, navigate frustration, and accept that the world doesn’t revolve around their every whim.”
Easy to read on the page, but much tougher to put into practice. Rarely do you say “no” and the child politely nods and finds something else to do. More likely, incessant whining, pouting, and arguing will follow.
“Kids who never hear ‘no’ often go one of two ways: they either avoid conflict and failure at all costs, or they can’t handle it when failure inevitably happens. Both paths lead to entitlement and an inability to adapt to life’s challenges,” states the post.
A Chinese proverb is also quoted: “Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes.”
Second, make them work for rewards. Develop the old work ethic. Teach them that nothing in life comes without effort. Unless they are entitled, of course. Children develop initiative this way. They become leaders.
Third, let them fail. “When we shield our kids from every bump, scrape, or misstep, we rob them of the chance to develop problem-solving skills, grit, and confidence in their own abilities. As much as it stings to watch them struggle, it’s those very struggles that teach them how to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs.”
So true. But so painful to watch at times. One step back to go two steps forward.
And nowadays, failure is built into the tech world, where perfection is not the goal and mistakes are the path to progress.
In my own experience, I know that writing is constant failure. Rough drafts are replete with poor phrasing, grammatical mistakes, disconnected ideas. I know that for every acceptance of a manuscript, there are going to be 99 rejections. Revision–aka learning from your mistakes–is the key to writing.
From my teaching days, I recall a time I had a conference with the mother of an AP English student. The student could not write nearly well enough for an AP class, but had somehow managed As and Bs throughout her English career. Maybe some teachers had enabled her because she was a nice kid or for some other reason.
I would not have been surprised if the mother had blamed me for her daughter’s writing struggles.
Instead, the mother thanked me. Someone was finally telling her daughter what the mother had known all along: the writing is not good enough.
By the end of the year, the student’s writing had improved exponentially, largely because she had not been enabled and had developed her skills and navigated writing’s ups and downs.
On her own.
The Q-View 